Thursday Night Drunken Whore

Yep that’s me. Last night J and I got shitty, not too shitty, just a prelude to tonight. Tonight will be a prelude to tomorrow night  so basically we are building up our weak ass tolerances to we can drink for a decent amount of time on my birthday. Speaking of my birthday, I think I want to rent a moon walk, I’m going to look into this today, it might be too short of notice but I’ll check anyway. I just love moon walks and I think it would be so much fun to have one for me so I can tell the stupid kids to get off and let me jump, after all it is MY birthday. I need to make a cake too, okay never mind, J just told me she’s making me cupcakes, it was going to be a surprise but I said I was going to make a cake so she had to tell me, ha ha ha, I foiled your plan. Alright, there is stuff I want to do and I’m not just talking about sitting on my ass reading blogs so I’m going to let you all go but don’t despair, I’ll be here everyday till the cows come home (and seeing as how I own no cows that will be for a long time).

I did not disappoint.

Last night was WILD! It started off normal enough, Mere, her friend Amanda, and I rode the bus over to the cook off, we went straight to our booth and started throwing ’em back. From across the room I saw my uncle giving my cousin something, I was curious so I went over to check it out. I got all excited because I saw that he had a crown royal bag full of jello shots and stupid me, I thought that was the good stuff. He handed her a glass of clear liquid and then walked off.
“Hey, hey, what’s that?” I asked.
“Moonshine!” my cousin said.
“Moonshine? What is this the 20s?” I said.
“Apparently…want some?” she asked, I shook my head.
A few seconds later my uncle came with a glass of clear liquid for me and my friends. He looked at me very seriously and said, “Do not drink this by yourself! You have to share, this shit can kick your ass.” I grinned, kissed him on the cheek and took my glass.
We shared that one between the five of us, it was delicious, coconut flavored and smooth, not what I expected moonshine to be like. This was the point that we started to get shit faced!

After sharing about five more glasses of moonshine I decided that I must find Trish so I went outside and started the argument with my new phone (note to self: never try out a new phone when you know you will be drunk, it does not make it any easier to figure it out), after about 10 minutes of screwing with the damn thing I texted her, she texted me back, she found the booth and I got her and Kenny and their friends in. I was so glad that we met up because I always hate it when I hear about people coming to the cook off and having to pay (gasp!) for beer, I couldn’t let her pay for beer.

We all went inside and they got some food and drinks and I hooked them up with jello shots and moonshine (at least I’m pretty sure I did, I vaguely remember giving them a glass of moonshine, if I didn’t I’m sorry Trish because I should have). We hung out for a while, I have no idea of how long it actually was, but then I decided that we MUST ride the giant slide. I rode it last year when I was wasted and said we had to do it every year so I rallied the troops, which took like an hour, and we were off to the slide. One of my friends stopped to talk to someone and was taking forever and Trish and crew needed to get going so they never got to ride the slide 😦 but apparently got a funnel cake, which really is almost as good as riding the slide but we missed them.

When we finally started walking again some totally random guy came up to me and gave me a rose and asked me to kiss his lottery ticket, I’m pretty sure I licked it for him and then took his number, he was gross and I immediately threw it away but it was funny.

We finally made it to the slide and my friend Wayne had to buy more tickets so while we were waiting we were all talking and next thing I know Mere and Amanda are gone. I called her and she said something about having to get on the bus and they were late, I’m not really sure but pretty much they left me like total whores. I said fuck it and Wayne assured me he’d take me home (he’s my oldest brother’s friend so he’s like a brother to me too) so we rode the slide, which totally rocked, and then headed back to the booth. By now its 11:45 pm and the cook off ends at midnight so everyone left was mostly sponsors and their families. I’m totally going to skim over this part because it is way too long and I don’t remember most of the details but my cousin Lindy’s boyfriend got mad at me because she got a jello shot from me and was supposed to be driving (I didn’t know this, I was too drunk to hear anything) and then they got into a huge fight (they’re kind of country) in front of everyone. Long story short, he apologized to me which is awesome because I really do like him and they made up and everyone was happy by the end of the night.

After all the drama we decide it is time to go and my parents were still there so my parents, Wayne, his girlfriend (whom I also love) and I started walking to the exit. My parents ended up catching a cab back to their car at the bus stop so I rode with them. Earlier sometime, I’m not sure when, I called Mere to check on her and she was supposed to be at the parking lot so I told her to get in her car and go to sleep and that I would be there to drive her home (I had stopped drinking awhile ago, although I do know that I was no where near sober). So, after we got in the cab I tried to call her again to make sure she found her car, when I got through to her somehow she was on the bus again. Apparently, she got on the wrong bus to begin with and decided after she couldn’t find her car to take another bus only now she didn’t know where she was. After lots of yelling at her and talking to the bus driver we found out that she was in a rough part of town. This really scared the shit out of me because Mere is wonderful but she is very obviously “taken care of” and would be an easy target for a mugger. The cab dropped us off at my dad’s truck and my mom drove to the “bad part of town” to get her, we picked her up in the middle of the street, she was scared shitless and told us about how some ghetto chick wanted to fight them after they offered her a jello shot (I’m not sure how she got a bag of jello shots on the bus, totally illegal). So, my parents dropped us off at Mere’s car and I was driving the literally, 1 mile to my mom’s house. We made it 1/4 of a mile and Amanda hurled, luckily Mere knows her friend and I had enough warning to stop the car just in time for her to open the door. We made it home at 3 am and Mere passed out on the floor in my room, Amanda spent the night too so I ended up on the couch. I was beyond tired and still a little drunk this morning when I got up so I had to wait to drive home till later. Right now, I’m fairly exhausted but it was so worth it because I had a lot of fun.

Note to my readers: I am only this trashy and country once a year.

Translation of previous post.

So, yeah, I was drunk last night and seriously thought that post was understandable. Now I will translate for you and give further details of my night.
We got going late last night, it was 8:30 pm before we even got to the cook off and the cook off shuts down at midnight so we had to make up for our lack of time. I’m going to write things as I remember them so it might not make a lot of sense.
Our bus driver was freakin‘ hilarious, she kept hitting cones that were knocked over and then she said something about not being able to see something, at this point we hadn’t had anything to drink but were still very amused by this, not scared at all…lol. We got off the bus and had to walk through the carnival to the cook off, within 5 minutes of exiting the bus my feet were killing me. I was dumb enough to wear boots that I hadn’t broken in yet, by the end of the night I recall asking someone to cut my feet off with a chainsaw. This morning I have 8 ginormous blisters and they’re the kind that are so deep that it’ll take months to get rid of them….fun. The moment my feet started hurting I knew that my goal of the night was to drink so much that I wouldn’t feel my feet, for the most part I succeeded. We started off the night at my Dad’s booth, ate a little BBQ and drank beer (I drank margaritas, I don’t drink beer) and had our first jello shot of the night. Three jello shots later and a few margaritas later we headed to another booth, some guy that Ashley met (Ashley is Mere’s best friend and she’s super nice and funny) gave us all passes to get in, we didn’t stay long though, it was too civil at that booth. So we headed back to Prime Time Cookers (my Dad’s booth) drank some more, hung out with my pervy uncle and he gave us more jello shots, I’m pretty sure the jello shots are what got me, I really didn’t drink too many margaritas. After we left there we met up with Ashley’s parents and they offered to drive us back instead of having to take the bus, once we made it to our car we decided that we needed to go to a bar, some new one that a friend of Mere’s opened up. Long story short, we couldn’t find it so we went home instead. I was in bed at 1:30 am like a good little girl and my husband made me promise to be more wild tonight. I know one thing though, tonight I am riding the giant slide, I forgot to last night.

uhhhhhh

so, im back from the cookoff, i drank waaaayyy too much and my thraot hurts now nbut oh well, it wasso much fun. im fairly drunk right now, we jus stiopped by jackin the box and got a breakfast jack, yummmmmm, and now mi listening to Mere snoring, I’m so close to snoring but i prmoisede you guys something tonightn so, this is me, no speel checker, too much o drinkik love youn guys = Alie

Lunch with my posse!

Today I went to lunch with Mere, food is one of my favorite parts about coming to Houston. I went to Amazon Grill today and got an amazing grilled chicken and avocado sandwich, I was in heaven. Tonight I’m having world famous barbecue for dinner and tomorrow I want to try and squeeze in Pico’s, which is literally the best Mexican food ever, for lunch, mmmmm fajitas!
Well, I need to go get ready to go out tonight, so I’ll try to get on when I get home and blog.
Is there such a thing as drunk blogging? Maybe I’ll start a trend…lol.

Trish, if the girls like the carnival you should buy some of the half price tickets and save them for later. J and I are going to spend all day on March 20-something (whatever day Pat Green is playing) at the carnival with the kids, we could meet up and let the kids meet and ride rides and laugh at people, it’ll be fun.